Answer:

The type of behaviour that you’re asking about can be part excitement and part fear. The beginning of a relationship is always, always super exciting. We can’t help but think about the incredible mystery in front of us that we want to explore! Our imagination takes over, quite literally.

Then there’s the fear, appearing as neediness. An impulsive behaviour of responding immediately which we feel we can barely control. We may walk around the coffee table, think that’s a long enough wait to respond, then all our good intentions fly out the window! We’re sitting down, responding, then waiting with bated breath for a response.

It’s a the point where your emotions are running high that you have to acknowledge your imagination is taking over and ground yourself. You need to consciously engage self discipline and bring yourself back into the “now”. I tell me clients to imagine slamming a big ‘STOP’ sign into their forehead. Literally stop their thoughts and emotions that are driving their imagination.

When you bring yourself fully back into this moment, look around. Let’s say you’re at work. You’d focus on everything around you in your physical environment, what’s happening, who’s where etc. Then you choose to remember what you’re priorities are in your physical environment at this time. At work these would be deadlines you have to meet, any meetings you have scheduled and so on.

Then you have to choose to buy into the now. Consciously say to self “as great as those feelings are, I have to take care of what is in front of me right now.” The key to being able to do this is to acknowledge the FEAR that if you don’t respond straight away you may lose a good thing, or to examine what exactly the fear is that you have around not responding straight away.

Good, healthy relationships take time. They reveal your fears, and then we can choose to work towards transcending, getting rid of, those fears. We also can acknowledge that in not responding straight away you would be giving both of you time to focus on your priorities and work out how to get together in the physical sense i.e. off the phone, and enjoy time together.

Thanks for asking the question, it’s been valuable for me to put the steps down in writing. I wish you all the best. 🙂

Blessings and dreams, Linda

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